Interview from Jill

[everdream]

1. When were you diagnosed with Asperger's, and how did you feel about it at the time?

I was diagnosed at the age of 17. My mom had heard a talk from a doctor at her then-workplace and came home and said to me "Rebecca, I just heard something that sounds exactly like you are." Whether it's the exact diagnosis or not, I don't know. I seem to slide along diagnoses on the Autism Spectrum Disorder.

At the time, I didn't want anything else that made me different. I had already had an incredibly difficult and crappy public school career. My school life was hell and this wasn't a relief, it was a confirmation that I was different and it was something that would never completely go away.

Now, I still have trouble with it sometimes. I sometimes wonder if what I think or feel isn't valid because I have something that fucks with my brain and how I think or operate. I also get really, really tired of being normal as I don't want to see odd or out of place. Letting myself go with it-and being ok and embracing what makes me different-is a continual struggle but one-at least lately-that I've gotten better at living with.



2. How is learning to drive going?

Heee!! Um, it's not going lately. I quit sometime in early December as I still didn't have my license. Also, because of the accident that happened last May, Jess' insurance company forced her to exclude me or she would have been at serious risk of being dropped. It didn't really give us much time to find another insurance company. I am not giving up on driving-I will most likely take it up again in the spring or summer. I was doing fairly well with and finally starting to feel comfortable. This will also give us time to find another insurance company.


3. When did you realize that [info]sawbladesestina was the one for you?

Actually fairly recently. Ok, when originally a really long time ago when we first met. But to say, yes, for certain she is the one I had to accept myself and I had to love myself and stop putting so much pressure on both her and me to make things perfect. I had to accept the fact that she loved me despite all my shortcomings, all my flaws, all my stubborness and things like that. I am very, very prickly about being loved. I don't feel I "deserve" it unless I'm absolutely perfect. To give up that impossible ideal, to be loved as flawed and finicky and human, is hard for me to accept is something I've only done very recently. Until that point, Jess could be awesome and loving and kind (which she is in infinite spades) but it wouldn't work as it should.
4. What are your top five life-changing books?

You ask the impossible questions, don't you. I'll get back on this one.

5. If we were living in a Star Trek-esque society and money was really not an issue, what would you spend your day-to-day life doing?

I want to help people. I really do. I would love to work for an organization that deals with disabilites of all sorts-physical, mental, etc. I feel that since I do have social/life disorder, that I want to give back to people that are in similar situations or that I feel would benefit most. I want to feel like I'm doing something that helps improve people's quality of life. Working for Vonage... not really so much (although in this one case which is a legal saga in itself, I really want the transfer to go through as it's an organization that helps with home health issues for the elderly population)